He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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