I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
