I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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