My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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