Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
