the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
