I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
