i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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