Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
