Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
