just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
