forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
