We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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