i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
