I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
