i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
