thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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