look no pants
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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