I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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