I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
