So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
