The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
