i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
