i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
