I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
