very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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