dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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