what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
