Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
