i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
