i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
how drunk are you?
Several
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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