Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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