i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Even my vagina gasped.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
