My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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