I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
