our cab driver is having phone sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
