If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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