shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
