I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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