I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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