dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
