i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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