The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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