Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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