i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
