is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
