Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
