Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
