Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
