She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
