i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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