Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
