My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
