Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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