Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
