Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just pee around me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
