Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
whose parrot is this?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
