you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
