Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
